Reading Time: 6:45
Well, today’s blog will have to be comparatively brief for what needs to be said, but there is so much on my heart that sometimes I feel I could write a book. However, that will have to wait until I’ve actually had something to show for over three decades of ministry in Indiana.
What I want to share today is about my struggles. I seem to be struggling on every front—spiritually, emotionally, relationally, physically, and financially. You get the idea. It’s when everything seems to be going wrong and even the smallest of activities becomes a burden, rather than a joy.
In the midst of this, I felt God was done with me and it was time to pack it in and close up shop. I was going to leave it for the next generation to figure out. Retirement seemed to be the hope to hold on to and not do too much damage in the meantime.
I finally resolved to take it all before God. He had shown me that I was resisting his plan and will for my life and he wanted to talk to me about it. I guess it’s taken over a year for me to come to terms with this. Yet, I rallied myself and as an obedient servant, I appeared before my Lord and King to face the music.
The Meeting
Much to my surprise the Lord spoke to me very differently than I expected. My sins and failures were not even a topic in the conversation. Instead he encouraged me to pick up the load once again and this time it would be different. Of course, I asked why this time would be different from all the other times I’ve tried.
The difference he showed he was that I had finally given up on every new thing that comes down the pike and recognized that the help of man is futile (Psalm 60:11). While I was constantly falling behind, he was showing me that all this manmade stuff was useless to his purpose for me. I was endlessly studying the materials that kept flooding over my desk from well-intentioned ministries and ministers. I kept trying to resolve the differences I saw between what these projects and programs were saying the answer to successful ministry was and what the Bible teaches about ministry.
Just about the time I had a material set figured out, here comes a new one criticizing the previous one and exalting itself as the more timely and relevant answer to my dilemma, imposed by this flood of material. Then, right about the time I gave up on it all, the Lord opened my eyes to the deception. Yes, vain is the help of man. Too often help comes in the form of do this and do that. Then if it’s not working for you they say it is because you are not applying yourself or doing it right. Oh well, here we go again. Never blame the help of man, the fault always lies with me.
The Tide Turns
Once I had laid this flood of material before the Lord and told him I found it useless, he gave me a couple of passages from the Bible. To my amazement, they did not criticize me, they set me free from all the “help” and “advice” I was being given. He called me to walk a way less traveled. Ignore the wisdom of man and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. If I turn off of the worn out path to church growth, he promised me victory beyond anything I could imagine. This is what the Lord gave me:
“24 But if all prophesy, and there come in one unbelieving
or unlearned, he is reproved by all, he is judged by all;
25 the secrets of his heart are made manifest;
and so he will fall down on his face and worship God,
declaring that God is among you indeed.”
1st Corinthians 14:24, 25 (ESV)
And this from Exodus, which I’ve never seen before:
“And he said, “Behold, I am making a covenant.
Before all your people I will do marvels,
such as have not been created in all the earth or in any nation.
And all the people among whom you are
shall see the work of the LORD,
for it is an awesome thing that I will do with you.”
Exodus 34:10 (ESV)
Armed with these two passages I attended our Area Ministers Meeting with an entirely different attitude. Instead of looking for how I could incorporate their presentations into the life of my church, I saw through it as just a “grasping at straws.” It was just the latest “hand-me-down” that did not even originate within our fellowship. Finally I felt the freedom to do what God was showing me, regardless of what others said would be the next “great thing” to replace the last “great thing.” Sorry for all the tongue-in-cheek expressions, but none of it impresses me anymore.
My heart’s cry though was, “Why did I not see through all this before?” God’s compassion allowed me to understand that I wanted to be faithful to do what those over me instructed me to do. Well, at least give it my best try. I would never give up on a project and move on until my leaders gave up on it too and presented the latest thing I needed to be doing now. Yes, it’s very tiring. I was wore out pursuing and purchasing the latest material. So was my congregation.
So now the barrier between the Lord and me has been removed. Now I will pursue this unknown path. He said he would protect me from my enemies until the victory is established in my hands. I now feel the guiding hand of his Spirit, rather than the constant provoking of man to do more, faster, bigger!
A great load has been lifted from my shoulders. I apologized to the Lord for my ignorance in thinking man had the answers I seek. Yes, I will still use materials from others, but they will be the ones the Spirit of God leads me to. Those have had lasting impact on me and my ministry. Everything else is busyness and futility, burying me in piles of paper and procedures.
Sunday morning, as I confessed this struggle to my church, tears of understanding and compassion flowed from their weary eyes. Never will I burden them again with the teachings of man. We will pursue the Lord’s presence and power at the leading of the Holy Spirit.
“Lord, give me this strength to pursue you with all of my heart.”
“Give us help from trouble, For the help of man is useless.”
Psalm 60:11 (NKJV)
“Then Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.”
Mark 6:31 (NLT)
Until next Monday, may the Lord call you away this week to spend some time with him. There is refreshing in his presence.
Pastor Brian Jenkins
Calvary Assemblies of God