Well, I am sitting down this morning to write my blog in a new software package and missing all the things I used to be able to do in iWeb. I'm using a simple little program called Sandvox, that is supposed to be HTML 5 compatible and write strict compliant code for me so we won't have the errors in our website we were having before. I guess I can say we've completed the changeover. I won't be drawn in next time Apple offers to "take care of it all" for me.
Sometimes in life things just get too complicated. It can be discouraging. I always used to have an excitement about learning new things, and it overcame the discouragement I felt with constant change. However, in this season of my life, I just want things to settle into a groove. Wouldn't it be nice to have it all figured out for a while and nothing would change? Yes, it would.
Change is a definite part of life, but with so many complexities in life, each change becomes a battle to keep up. Sometimes you lose the joy of discovery as you try to incorporate each new change into your life and schedule. Recently Apple changed over to the Cloud and began changing the way my devices sync and how I store my files. I get pretty touchy when someone starts messing with my files. That is just something I won't let someone else "take care of" for me.
At church I'm working through the process of preaching from notes to preaching off of a wireless device. I still print out my notes and then I use Keynote on my iPhone to preach from. I'm getting better at it, but my iPhone shows so little of my notes at a time, I sometimes forget where I am. Also, it's so small that I have a hard time seeing it. This is all in preparation of getting an iPad, which should solve these problems and provide everything I need in the pulpit. My hope is that all my messages and all my music can be toted with me on the iPad. I have dreamed of going paperless and pulpitless for years.
New Spiritual Progress
I got my guts knocked out of me in ministry recently. It took quite a while to recover. I've been knocked off balance a few times in the past, but this time I had to pick myself up off the floor. My ministry group saw the impact and the hurt and counseled me through a lot of it. Most of the church didn't see it too much (just kinda' off my game for a little while). I guess the hardest part was it affected my wife. So I've began to take Superintendent Gifford's advice and take a Sabbath Day's rest each week. Susan and I get away one day a week now and just spend time together. We've even begun to talk about other things besides ministry. I even think it has helped me. I know it has helped her. I can bear a lot of hurt, but seeing her hurt is more than I can bear.
Our April Worship & Communion Service this past Sunday was the first time I felt like I was actually recovering. The Lord has been so precious to talk me through this time, but I felt my spirit rejecting much of what he was saying. Sunday night though, I felt his Spirit begin to rise up in me again with renewed compassion for the people of Calvary and a stronger determination to press forward into the victory God wants to give us all.
One thing I have come to realize, certain things a Pastor goes though many will just not understand. Also, I have found it is not necessary to make others understand. When I was a kid, I saw my dad go through many things in his struggle to be a good father, husband, and provider. I didn't understand them. I couldn't feel his pain, but somehow I knew dad would handle it and continue to be dad. In the same way, it is no longer necessary for me to get others to understand, God has revealed a new level of relationship with him I've not experienced in the past — if he knows what I'm going through, it will sustain me. Like the Apostle Paul said, "His grace is sufficient for me."
New Spiritual Direction
I see new things on the horizon. The Lord confirmed this as I was speaking over the congregation two Sundays ago. I called people forward who wanted a "new thing" in their lives. I really didn't know what I was saying to them, but as I began to pray over them, this feeling of new beginnings arose in my heart. As I looked forward, I began to see all the new things God was doing in my life. In May, after my ordination, God said he was going to use me in new and greater ways. In June, Susan and I will attend a Church Leadership Conference with Pastor Dave Williams in Lansing, Michigan. Once again I see God equipping me for greater things. Where once the Indiana District made an investment in me, now I see that I must continue that investment to become the Pastor Calvary needs me to be.
In ministry, on the job training is a scary thing, because everyone expects you to know so much. Seeking God as I go has been the continual course of my life. I have always trusted him to show me the next step. Well, I believe the next step here at Calvary is more training for our people and for me. Thank God for ISOM and for the people of Calvary who are willing to continue to invest in the education of their Pastor.
Mission Accomplished
Well, that's my blog for this week. It is a great relief to have at least one blog out there published in this new program. I won't feel so much apprehension next Monday as I sit down to do it again. Let me know how it works for you by sending me an email at brianpjenkins@me.com.
I will continue to publish additional pages to our site until we've grown back to what we had before. So visit us each week and see what's new.