When you go into a service at Calvary these days you feel a lot of the congregation saying, "Well, Pastor, where are we going from here?" I know that I shouldn't feel the pressure, but I do. I try to cast my cares on the Lord, but I feel a lot of people are looking to me for renewed leadership and a new hope. There is an intense desire for something new to happen. Sunday morning, in my spirit, I felt such a weariness in our church. As I prayed before service, I cried out to the Lord, "Am I wearing these people out." Things that should be bringing great joy, seem to be overlooked. Miracles are still happening. Attendance is good, finances are good, but still there is a sense of longing.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Proverbs 13:12
Maybe when I came to Calvary hopes were too high or unrealistic. Maybe I tried to do too much too soon. It seemed many had a willingness to work. It seemed there was a great joy that we were moving ahead again. However, I think I overlooked some things. One, I thought the spiritual depth of our people was greater than it turned out to be. Sometimes it amazes me what has not been taught here. Secondly, I have never seen such a controlling spirit operate in a church before. I think this battle was more than anyone expected, because of the spiritual force behind it. We weren't just fighting carnal flesh, we faced demonic powers. Fortunately, everyone acknowledged it and we are taking the necessary steps to deliver our church, once and for all, from the Jezebel spirit. Because of this, I think I understand the sense of weariness. It's not a bad thing, but it is something we must understand.
All of us, actually, have been engaged in this spiritual battle, whether we realize it or not. My prayer partners have seen the struggle in me. My wife has struggled under the pressure. My Ministry Group I meet with, has even noticed it. Everyone in the church, partly for their love for me, and partly for their love for the church, has operated under the strain. After praying about it this morning, I think God has given me the understanding I need, and, thank God, it is going to be a good thing.
First, things just didn't work out the way everyone had hoped. When things were harder and took longer than expected, many turned away and some settled into just having church as usual. I know there are those who will rise up and get excited again, when we once again begin to move forward, but for now they are just looking for a new hope. Secondly, the spiritual battle has left some wounded, some taking sides, and some lost in the fray. This grieves a Pastor intensely, but such are the activities of war — whether spiritual or real.
So what did the Lord show me this morning? If I can explain, it is like going into surgery after a long battle with cancer and finding out it is more extensive than anyone thought. The cancerous mass that was causing weakness and sickness had metastasized itself to vital organs and its tentacles had reached throughout the body. Surgery was extensive and long. Treatment was painful. As a result of the removal of this disease, the body has suffered and will undergo a long period of recovery and rehabilitation.
Stick with me here. We are undergoing surgical removal of a Jezebel spirit from our church. It tentacles have reached farther than we could image. Vital organs have been affected. The Holy Spirit is saying we will be alright and come through the surgery fine, but there will be a period of recovery and rehabilitation. The recovery process is about getting our joy back. The rehabilitation process is learning to do things in new ways so we won't slip back into the old ways. One, this is to protect ourselves from becoming reinfected. Two, this is to become better than before, because the health limiting disease has been removed. No longer will this evil spirit control, intimidate, and defeat every move of God in our church.
I too, am determined to recover. I am beginning to feel stronger each day. I look around and I can no longer see these tentacles pulling at me, restricting my movement, and controlling my actions. Greater days are ahead. I can sense it. I can feel it. However, there is still a time of recovery we must go through in our church before the real freedom will be obvious.
Just like a person recovering in the intensive care unit, you can ask them what they are going to do now with the new hope they have been given. Their first response will always be, "Just get better." That is what I feel the Holy Spirit is speaking to me today as I reflect on Sunday's services — we will get better, slowly, but better.
If I may use Superintendent Gifford's wife as an example. She was involved in a terrible car wreck years ago. There was not much hope for her to walk normally again. However, there were two great things that came out of it. One was the determination to recover and be normal again. The second was even greater. She determined she was even going to be better than she was before. This lady, who could barely walk, joined her husband in running marathons. She is a walking (and running) example of the verse that says, "With God all things are possible."
We should rejoice that after our surgery, we will be greater than before, and it will give us a determination to do more than ever. What hurt us greatly, will turn out to be a source of new hope to not let these things limit us again. The weariness will turn into determination, and the determination will turn into victory. In the victory we will find we are now able to do more than we ever could before, because the limiting disease, the infectious cancer, has been removed and now the limits have been taken off of us.
This is the work of a master physician. He will not leave a part of the disease within us to grow back again. In our rehabilitation, we will learn new ways that will keep us strong and prevent other diseases from entering in. We will watch ourselves closely and guard one another souls. Like we've heard so many times before, "What the devil meant for harm, God will use for good."
The following passage from 1st Peter says it so much better than I can. Please read it and see how we too are experiencing a new birth of hope and freedom in our church.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!
In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade — kept in heaven for you,
who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of
the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while
you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold,
which perishes even though refined by fire — may be proved genuine
and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
Though you have not seen him, you love him;
and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him
and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,
for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
1 Peter 1:3-9
I might not have fought this battle well. Causalities have been high. I didn't always know what I was doing or what I was facing. All I knew was not to give up and never quit, and God would deliver us and give us victory. He has done it for us. He revealed it to us and showed us what to do. Now my public proclamation prayers make so much sense. It's hard to fight when you cannot see the enemy, but God, by his Spirit, can make every blow count. As Peter said, even though for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
I believe Calvary has been given a new birth into a living hope. It will begin to rise up in front of us and we will recognize this amazing victory as a result of the surgery we have been through. Let us be like Diane Gifford, and not only recover, but set our sights on things we once thought were impossible until now.
"Lord, help us through our time of recovery and heal our hearts and strengthen our hands for the coming work."