We buried another one of our church members this week. Instead of writing this blog on Monday, I was conducted the funeral of our beloved Ovie Tirey (1926 - 2013). He was 86 years old. When I came to Calvary almost four years ago, Ovie endeared himself to me with his wit, charm, and love for the Lord. You always knew when Ovie was in church. He listened closely, “Amened!” vigorously, and always asked a lot of questions. It’s rare to see someone his age still diligently searching the Scriptures to learn more.
Ovie had a love for his church and his Pastor. He gave me several gifts over the past few years, He yearned for my visits. He was delighted when I showed up at the hospital during his repeated stays. I could see Ovie beginning to have health problems. In the same way four years makes a big difference when you are a kid, it makes a big difference when you are old also.
Looking back over four years of ministry here, I’ve seen a lot of people pass away. I’ve already done more funerals at this assignment than at either of my last two churches. Many people in the Assemblies of God are getting along in years. I guess I am too, but it’s never hit home as much as it has at Calvary. I remember Pastor Sonny’s mom, Adell, who passed away November 30th of 2010. Then there was Joyce O’Dell who passed on December 28, 2010. Then there was Sonny’s sister, Brenda, and Howard’s wife back in 2009. The list goes on to former members of Calvary, like Marilyn Emick, who passed on November 6, 2012. Some have moved away to retirement centers or nursing homes. Others are getting to where they just can’t get out to church anymore. It’s a new strain on me as a minister. An area where I never thought I needed training.
For ministers, weddings and funerals are kind of a sideline that you don’t invest in, you just do them as the need arises. It’s not considered a ministry, then again it is a very important part of ministry. For me, I have restricted these activities to church members and their families. Pastor Sonny is wonderful in the fact that he uses funerals to reach out to the whole community and tell them about salvation.
In light of these recent and numerous deaths in our church, I have begun to scan our congregation and wonder, “Who’s next?” Realizing this is a horrible question to ask, I think to myself, “Why am I asking this?” It is because I want to be better able to minister to families during this time. Calvary has been around for a long time. Some of our families have two and three generations in our church. A death in the family would affect a lot of our people. I need to be sensitive to this and aware that during such a time, the funeral service will be just a part of my ministry to them. This is true of losing aged parents, but it is extremely true of untimely deaths and tragedies.
There have also been deaths among our congregation that were unexpected. Their impact has been devastating. I can see the pain in the eyes of those who have suffered unexpected loss and tragedy. Their grief almost buries them daily. Their hurt is always on their minds. They move very slowly towards recovery. Life will never be “normal” again. I need to be better at ministering to them. Our whole church does.
Another thing about funerals is the speed at which they happen. There is a feeling of “shove it under the rug and get on with life” that I feel devalues the recently departed. I believe those who have lost a loved one want to talk about it. I think they want the day of their loved one’s death celebrated the same as the day of their birth. It has been my practice in my years of ministry to call the person who lost someone each year on the anniversary of the death. I have found they appreciate the annual remembrance of that person. To me it conveys a sense of honor for the life they lived. Kind of like Presidents Day or Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
Yes, Calvary has aged over the years. We sometimes can’t help but wonder, “Who’s next?” For me, I want to be prepared, but as each year passes that I serve this congregation, I grow fonder and fonder of its members and their families. Kathy Davis recently lost her brother, Don Bryant; Joyce Harter, a son; Dollie, her mother; Jim and Margie lost James M. “Jimmie” Horne V on July 9, 2010. Vi Smith lost Stanley, her husband; Rhoda Baker’s lost her step-mom, and now Rhoda’s gone too. Again the list goes on — some expected, some tragic.
The final area I think about during these times are other family members of the congregation, many of whom I have never met and probably never will. The seniors of our church also have senior members among their brothers, sisters and relatives. Often they ask me to pray for a brother or sister, or aunt and uncle who is having a crisis in their health or who has lost a spouse. Sometimes I feel totally helpless to minister under these circumstances, other than to pray for the comfort of the Lord to minister to them. Again, a little training in this area would help me greatly. It might not do any more for the family, but I would know I’ve done everything I could to help them through their season of grief.
A church started in the 50’s ought to expect a time in its life like this. However, being here just four years, I’m only beginning to realize that there will be more funerals in the near future. Actually, any moment another member of our precious congregation could depart this life, hopefully to be with the Lord.
So there are two areas where I need to bolster my ability to minister, preparing the individual for their date with death and preparing the family to grieve the loss. With Ovie’s funeral I realized that my ministry is more than just giving a eulogy and singing a song. It is recognizing that many more of our congregation are approaching their time of departure. It’s like sitting at an airport watching the reader boards, waiting for the next departing flight to appear. When the next name comes up, you grab your bags, buy some flowers, and rush to the funeral home to board the next flight to a place of grief. I pray the Lord will help me not only do a better job of honoring those who have departed, but ministering to those who remain.
I grow more fond of our people each day, and like a blended family, they accept me and my ministry more and more as time passes. However, just about the time you get comfortable with your family, it changes. Be it a new soul born into the kingdom, or another one departing, there is an endless cycle of celebrating and grieving. Sometimes both at the same time. Let’s not deny this reality, and God forbid that we should overlook or ignore it.
Death is a time which comes to all. Let us be ready for our turn. Let us honor those who have journeyed on. Let us warn those who are heading towards that day unprepared. There are so many needs during the time of someone’s death. Thank God he can meet them all through Jesus Christ, our Lord!
Remember to pray for those who have lost loved ones.