We have been doing some sessions on Sunday nights through February about our mouths and it’s actually caused me to think about the words I speak. Of course I studied for teaching the sessions, but as I was studying, the verses began to speak to me. I had recently fallen into complaining about people. Not publicly, but to my wife, Susan. When people would do things I didn’t like, or when they would treat each other badly, or act self-centered, I would comment critically about their behavior. Of course, I would use a lot of Scripture verses to back up my opinions, but I always felt worse afterward.
Finally I recognized what I was feeling was the conviction of the Holy Spirit. At first I tried to justify my words to the Lord, but then I realized what the Holy Spirit was showing me. The more I complained, the less I prayed for these people. I was falling into the ugly trap of sin.
Coming to the place of realizing I have sinned is not as horrible as it used to be. I know my Savior well enough that once he got me to admit my error, I was more than willing to repent and receive his forgiveness. I then publicly apologized to the church and admitted I had gone astray. I also reaffirmed my love and commitment to them as their Pastor and once again boldly declared I believed everyone of them was going to make it.
The reason I have to be careful of my words is, as I see more and more of what God wants to do in and through our church, the more passionate I become. It burns within me. I want everyone at Calvary to burn with the same passion I feel. I will admit that apathy and self-centeredness truly aggravate me no end, but expressing my disgust is no way to move us ahead. It only tears down what we are trying to build.
The Watch Your Mouth series was good for me, because I too was helped by it. The series raised the awareness of the words I was speaking. It helped me choose different words in talking about people. Words that convey hope and appreciation for where they are right now. It has also reminded me they are the Lord’s sheep, not mine. So I had better be very careful how I speak about them to anyone.
Another thing I realized was I was losing respect for some, and it showed in my actions. My lack of respect caused me to focus on everything they did wrong and overlook the things they were putting their efforts into. For me, instead of seeing their efforts as courageous, I looked at them as nothing more than feeble attempts that wouldn’t last.
What this resulted in was a pulling back of my efforts to help them. It’s another form of that “what’s-the-use-spirit” I’ve talked about in the past. I am always looking for people to invest in, but my judgmental attitude towards some restrained me from continuing to spend time and effort on their spiritual growth. I hadn’t completely begun to ignore them, I had just put them on the back burner and limited my efforts to promote change in their lives. Kind of like saying, “Here, Lord, you deal with them, they’re wearing me out.”
Then there is the wall. It’s a form of protection that we use when people begin to drain us emotionally. In normal relationships we try to feel what the other person is feeling, but when they drain on you, you put up a wall. This wall allows you to remain emotionally detached from them. However, for a Pastor, this impedes your ability to minister to them. People feel this wall. Also, you cannot draw from godly compassion to help them if you are insensitive to their needs. Regardless of who you are, there are some walls in your life. For me though, these walls were becoming a place to hide from some people and avoid my responsibility to try to help them.
Then there is the fact that sometimes when you try to help someone, they take offense and refuse to recognize their problem. Instead they deflect on you, accusing you of having the problem instead. This was the seat of most of my recent complaining and God has shown me that I have actually become injured in my spirit by it. My walls were hiding a crumbling self-confidence that I was doing the right thing. We can always tell when we are not sure about ourselves when we become defensive about our words and actions. Especially when we are defending them against the conviction of the Holy Spirit when he is trying to help us.
The secret to recovering from complaining is simple. That is, once you realize and admit you’ve fallen into it. What happens is, you get your eyes on what people are doing, instead of what God is doing in them. To prevent further damage and begin a healing process you have to get your eyes off of them and back on the Lord. Moses fell into this trap when he thought he and God were on one side and the people were on the other. What you are actually trying to do is buddy up with God and tell him you understand how bad everyone else is. I wasn’t feeling sorry for God as much as I was feeling sorry for myself and I got rebuked by the Lord.
So if you, like me, have begun to complain about the people God has put in your life, you need to refocus on the Lord. He’ll bring your walls down and then you will once again speak life over the ones you love.
“My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the utterance from my heart will give understanding.”
Psalms 49:3, NIV.