Reading Time: 7:00
It may be a quick and direct blog post today. It’s a day late and there are so many things on my mind and my agenda that much of what I would say today would just be rambling. On that note, I want to focus on just one topic—my personal relationship with the Lord with as little rambling as possible.
I’ve had additional time to spend with the Lord and to study his Word lately. Yes, it has been delightful, but it has also brought me to a realization that I don’t know the Lord nearly as well as I ought. I know we all could say that, but for me this realization grows deeper and deeper, burdening my soul.
I’ve not been in church since March 15th (five weeks). It has had an impact on me. As I try to draw near to God I have found that much of my relationship (and identity) revolve around being a pastor. Without that weekly demand on my life I have grown empty. As I go before the Lord, we have less to talk about. Up to now much of what I discuss with the Lord has to do with ministry and church. Much of my prayer life is laboring in faith for the next thing God wants me to envision, to believe him for, and to labor towards. This aspect seems unimportant at the moment. I haven’t been seeking God as to what he wants me to share with our church on Sunday because we don’t have church on Sunday.
It IS About Me!
As a result, when I go before the Lord I am trying to develop more of a personal relationship with him, like a father to a son. He is my comfort and he is my provision, but I need so little for myself. He has always abundantly supplied for me and my family according to the purpose I serve in the body of Christ. Without that purpose, I need very little on a daily basis.
It's like what Jesus said about himself:
“38 For I have come down from heaven not to do my will
but to do the will of him who sent me. 39 And this is the will
of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me,
but raise them up at the last day. 40 For my Father’s will is that
everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life,
and I will raise them up at the last day.”
John 6:38-40 NIV
I truly feel that way. The Apostle Paul also felt this way about his ministry:
“I consider my life worth nothing to me;
my only aim is to finish the race and complete
the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of
testifying to the good news of God’s grace.”
Acts 20:24 NIV
Of course, Susan and I have tried to stay in contact with those who attend Calvary. We reached out with an Easter letter and do weekly podcasts and blogs. Many of our people do not have access to the internet or do not use Facebook, so the mail and phone calls are still the best way to communicate at Calvary. That is, except for face to face. It is always best to sit down together and talk. This is why our people love Sunday School and our Wednesday night Life Groups so much. We get to share our lives with each other and pray for one another.
Jesus designed the church this way. The flow of its life can never be digitized. Most people like the anonymity of the internet, but we all become spectators, instead of personally involved in the lives of others. Opinions abound, but comfort is limited. Because of this, I feel like I have set aside a major portion of who I am and what I do and I am scrambling for something to fill the void.
Podcasts and blogs can be beneficial but they do not and cannot replace the church. We’ve been preaching that for years in the wake of media-driven ministry. My greatest realization of this was when we did analytics of our church’s videos on YouTube and Facebook. Many people would click the “like” button or leave a “comment,” but will not actually watch the video. Others skim through it quickly. Yes, they want to show their support, but they do not embrace the content. Only a few seconds of video is actually viewed of all the hard work we do.
“God has given me the responsibility of serving
his church by proclaiming his entire message to you.”
Colossians 1:25 NLT
Anyway, much of this hype will be dropped after we are back to church. This is as it should be. God chose how the church is to operate. One, we are to gather together, and the early church set the precedence of meeting weekly on the Lord’s day. Two, there should be corporate worship and prayer. This has also been our way since the inception of the church. Third, there must be the anointed preaching of the Word.
“It pleased God through the foolishness of
the message preached to save those who believe.”
1st Corinthians 1:21 KJV
Of all my outreach through media I have found nothing that compares with joining together in church and opening the Word and preaching to the people and praying for their needs. It never gets old and there is nothing to replace it.
I Digress
Enough of that rant. Now back to me. In myself I find a revealed truth through it all. My relationship with Jesus is still more performance-based than relational. Even now, when I sit in his presence, everything we talk about is defined in my mind as, “How can I share that with others?” Yes, it is part of my gifting, but it reveals a greater flaw in my relationship with the Lord—I have nothing personal to say. There is nothing that is just about us. Things that I would not share with others. It’s been more of a commander to the soldier, more of a boss to an employee, more of a craftsman to an apprentice. However, what God wants me to take away from this current isolation period is a relationship that is more about a father to a son.
Yet in this revelation, it is hard for me to define that separation. I still try to relate all I receive from God to ministry instead of to me. I’ve need very little. I want very little. I find though that God is not trying to give me stuff, but reveal his heart to me—a heart of love and compassion that wants to spend time with me in the secret place.
Even in this, I hope it makes me a better pastor than a better son. Hopefully God can instill in me a greater appreciation of the relationship he has made available for me to himself. I need to fall deeper in love with the Lord and yield myself to this new revelation.
So my prayer is this:
“Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Psalm 51:10 NIV
Pastor Brian Jenkins
Calvary Assemblies of God